Self hate.

   Today I looked into the mirror and hated what I saw. Scars, rolls, fat, I hate myself. Scars on my wrist and thighs from self-harm, scars on my belly thighs, arms, back, my whole body of stretch marks. I dread summer, having to show my ugly body to the world. I cry because I am not beautiful in my eyes. James makes me feel pretty, but dang what can I do? I think I might even love James, but I am to scared to tell him. What if when he sees me and thinks "eww, dang why does her body look like that?" my bad thoughts of my mind gets the best of me. Not pleasing people if a fear. I stick up for others but not myself. I hate myself so much. Some days I want to end it all. I want to be pretty to feel pretty and beautiful, not all this hate. I sound like an attention whore. But really I am typing off of my chest. Maybe just maybe one day I will be okay.